Overjoyed
by The Raider
Summary: There's only one person that ever captured Willow Rosenberg's heart in such a way that it effectively broke her once she was taken away from her. Once she returns from England, the pain's worse than she imagined it would be. And yet, it's amazing how all that pain disappears when you see that someone standing in front of you...Oneshot based on Matchbox Twenty lyrics.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. All lyrics belong to Matchbox Twenty, and as such, I don't own them either.**

* * *

**Overjoyed  
**

_If I fall along the way, pick me up and dust me off_

As she continued to stare at the opposing wall on the other side of the room, Willow choked back the seemingly endless stream of tears that always lay inside of her. It...It always hurt to know that here she was, in _their _room, and she was the only one ever going to come back to it. Xander and Buffy had had the window repaired, wanting to possibly erase the memory of what had happened only months before. They had even gone so far as to have the carpet torn up and replaced. Closing her eyes, she knew that the intentions had been good, had been made with the careful consideration that only friends could make for one another. But still...going so far as to not even mention her? It was seemingly as if they were trying to _forget _she had even existed.

Willow couldn't do that. Not as long as she lay on the same sheets that they had laid on that beautiful morning. She knew that eventually she should change them, but for now, it was too hard. The pillows still smelt of her golden blonde hair, the sheets still brought back the memories of peacefully laying in her arms after hearing those beautiful words of "...Can you just be kissing me right now?"

_Everyone here is thinking 'bout somebody else_

Part of her wanted to be angry with them, for even thinking they could simply make everything ok by changing things within the room that would make everything appear different than it already was, but she couldn't bring herself to it._ She_ wouldn't have wanted that, not if she were still here laying in bed with her. That wasn't how she was, how she would have handled things if the shoe had been on the other foot.

Part of Willow wanted it to be like that, for it to be her instead laying in a grave, hidden away from the world. Anything that could have spared the world from even imagining the things she had done when she had been absorbed by the Dark Magicks. Would it have been better that way? How would _she_ have handled it? Obviously better than she herself had handled seeing it. Would she have turned to Dark Magicks? No, of course not. She was stronger than her. Always had been. She had always been her light, her strength, her journey, her everything...

_Please give me direction, I think the hurt set in, and I don't feel nothing..._

Goddess, she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so bad, to just let those tears stream down her cheeks. Would it bring her back? No, obviously it couldn't, shouldn't, and wouldn't. That's not how things worked, was it? People went away, they always did. Mom, Dad, Oz, Buffy, everyone always left in the end. Why would she been any different? It must be her curse, the thing that would always punish her in the end. Made things harder for her so she would never once be happy in any way.

_Willow Rosenberg isn't supposed to be happy..._she thought, shaking her head lightly against the dark red sheets that surrounded her.

_But it's over now...there's no getting back to good..._

Nothing would ever make her_ not_ feel dirty. Everwhere she looked, she could see his face plastered across every single person. Did it change anything that he was dead? That she had killed him? That she was in fact virtually the same as he was? They both had taken a life, had both even most likely _enjoyed_ it... Goddess, it hurt. She had_ loved _watching him squirming in front of her, had _enjoyed _seeing him struggle as the bullet caused more and more pain for him to feel. The same...the same pain she had felt that moment...

_Well, some things in this world you just can't change. Sometimes you don't see until it gets too late..._

It was her fault, in a way. The Magicks had caused everything to happen, _she _had done it. She had brought Buffy back. She had continued to use the Dark Magicks even after she had warned her, had virtually begged her to stop. She had kept going, ignoring and bypassing every roadblock and barricade in her way. Nothing was going to stop her, and why should it? She was helping people, was making things better for everyone. What was wrong with that? There wasn't a single thing wrong with it at all. It...It had been the right thing to do. She had been doing that all along, helping Buffy and everyone be safe and fight to save the world. The Magicks were at her control to help. Everything...everything was so under control...

_I got a hole in me now, I got a scar I can talk about..._

As she rolled over, hoping to escape the endless cycle that was the wall she had been staring at, the red-headed Witch frowned as she caught sight of the photo sitting on the dresser, the sole evidence in the room that_ she_ had ever existed. Throwing the sheets gently off of her clothing draped body, Willow picked up the memory with shaking hands. Her green eyes taking in every single detail, every single inch that made the image up, she finally allowed the tears to escape and roll down her cheek as she slowly sank to the ground, the floor being a welcome sturdyness to her frail and weak body.

_Baby, when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?_

A few of the tears rolled off her wet cheeks and impacted on the glass of the frame, making the faces contained within seem watery and distant. In a way, it made things seem more real. She was gone, disappeared, vanished, away, interrupted, any word you used to describe it simply brought the realization about one thing. _She_ was dead. And nothing was going to bring her back.

_There's an awful lot of breating room, but I can hardly move..._

Leaning back against the desk that lay situated against the wall, the red-headed Witch curled her legs up until they were sturdily placed against her chest. It made everything feel slightly better, as if she could feel better simply by feeling safe. Not the same kind of safe she wanted though, the safe that could only be found in those Goddess like arms she had laid safely in for two years before everything had fallen apart. And now? Everything that remained of her was boxed away in the basement, or was laying under the ground so far away from where she should be.

_Just hold me again..._

That's all she wanted. Was one last minute laying in her arms. Would that make everything better? Would it make things easier to deal with? All these feelings of grief, of loss, of hurt, of abandonment that dogged her everywhere she went, with every step she took outside of the room? No it wouldn't, but it would give her hope, hope that maybe things were all just a dream, some kind of nightmare that she would wake up from and safely be held in her girl's arms.

But that was lies. It would never happen again, would it?

_Can you help me I'm bent, I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together..._

Pressing the picture closer to her chest, Willow closed her eyes as her forehead rested on her knees, and more and more tears fell from her eyes. It was a never ending stream that emerged from them, an untapped river that never died. How many times had she actually cried over even the slightest memory, the slightest rememberance of a touch or feeling? More than she could ever even begin to list or remember.

_I started out clean but I'm jaded..._

The Magicks were still there, laying dormant inside her like some constant shadow that followed her each and everywhere she went. A constant reminder of what she had done, what she had been, what she could become again at any moment, whether she wanted to or not. What had Giles told her? That they were a part of her now? That they were just as much a part of Willow as the rest of her was? Goddess, to think that those_...Demons_ were a part of her soul now, it made things even harder to deal with. She had no-one to blame for their place inside her except herself, and even then, she didn't want to believe it. It couldn't...It couldn't be true...

_And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday _

How many times had they actually talked about that? Someday going away in order to...to be safe, to start a family together. They had always entertained the thought of having little Willows and Taras running around the house. It had been an unobtainable dream they both had shared once or twice with each other. Had entertained how they would deal with everything, how they would swap jobs every other day so none of their children would feel forgotten by a certain parent. Had gone to so far as to actually look at house in such far away places such as Seattle, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Boston, New York, the list went on endlessly in every which way.

And it all ended with the fact they had never even made it out of Sunnydale together.

_This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you around  
_

It wouldn't ever end. This feeling of needing, of wanting things to change. She wanted to swap places, to gladly take the bullet so the world could still have that wonderful light in her place. That would be enough, to know that she had been safe, that she had found someone who truly had deserved her.

_She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough_

Goddess knows that Willow didn't think she was that person. She couldn't be, and she had thought that almost every night when she would roll over and find that golden haired beauty lying so close to her. What had she done that was so deserving of having this wonderful person want to be with her? What had she done that was so good and heroic that someone up in the sky had decided to make sure that she had someone there at night to keep her warm, to make her feel loved beyond her wildest dreams?

Nothing. All she had done was cause pain.

_Are you crying when there's no one around?_

"Wills, you in there?"

"Go away..." Her voice sounded so muted and whisper-like that even she could barely stand to recognize that it was her own. It belonged to someone who had nothing left. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to look back on with happiness and smiles, nothing at all. Nothing. "Just go away..."

"Willow, come on, we made you food."

"Yeah, you know how you can't resist the chewy goodness that is food!"

"I.._.fine."_ They weren't going to stop, and she realized that. Realized that they would just as soon as break down the door to get to her. That's what had happened in those first few days that...she had spent alone in here, in their bed. Buffy had had to actually set her in the shower because she had refused to move and clean herself up. It had only been then that her blood had been washed off of her. She had kept it there, one of the only things she had had left of her inititally, or at least what her shock drenched mind had told her she still had.

_Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone_

It took a moment or so of gathered breaths for her to rise back to her feet, set the photo down and make her way to the door, much less open it. When she finally opened it and found an almost overwhelming flood of light overwhelming her eyes, the red-headed Witch covered her irises as she felt two sturdy hands leading her out of the room.

"Couldn't you have just brought it to me?" Shaking her head as she pulled the blanket tighter around her aching and sleep deprieved body, Willow sniffled and wiped tears away from her eyes. "I'm not really feeling up to seeing other people today. Not people-y today."

"Nah, where would be the fun in that? It's fun making Willow go places. Kinda like having your very own red-headed people doll that you can do stuff with."

"Thanks, I'm overjoyed." Resisting the urge to roll her eyes only because her mind couldn't find the strength to make her do said action, the Witch was glad that she was being helped down the stairs one at a time, making things easier. She hadn't left that room in almost a week or so now. The First had been surprisingly silent recently, with only the occasional Bringer incident popping up here and there. It was strange, but it was as if something were trying to keep the first evil at bay somehow.

_I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know_

What time was it? She couldn't even tell that. The clock in the room was dead, the victim of having dead batteries that had been cared for and changed. She had been meaning to change them but...she hadn't the energy to do so. It hurt too much to move around or even think. She could barely even sleep, much less rip the batteries from the device. Why even do that anyway? The First was going to end anything anyway. Not much reason to have hope. Hadn't Buffy even said that they weren't going to make it out of this alive? That she was going to make the Hellmouth choke on her? Wasn't that a way of saying "We're screwed, but we're going down with a fight."?

As the finally stepped down onto the ground floor, Buffy let go of her, leaving her only support being Xander, who's free hand came to rest on her other arm. The steps were beginning to come easier and easier to her, thankfully, consideing that she had no idea how long said limbs had been 'asleep'. Probably had more rest in them than anywhere else in her body.

"Where's the food? You said there was food..." Her eyes also finally beginning to adjust to there actually being light to guide her path brightly, Willow kept her green irises focused on the ground below her, her feet looking somewhat awkward decked in their red socks that somewhat matched her hair. Goddess, she didn't even want to see how messy and disheleved her hair and the rest of her attire looked right now...

"In here..." Standing in the doorway, Buffy's lips formed quite possibly the biggest smile she had seen for the longest time from the Slayer. Her friend's face still held the healing scars from her encounter with the Ubervamp, but with each passing day, more and more of said scars faded. Soon there wouldn't be anything left.

"I don't smell anything..."

"Oh...I guess there isn't any food..." Her grin refusing to fade, even as she forced a small amount of false realization into her voice's tone.

"Buffy..." Finally finding the strength to roll her eyes, Willow was glad that Xander was holding onto her because when her irises came into focus enough to see someone standing behind Buffy, her breath hiked in her throat for a moment. That hair...no, it couldn't be. Another Potential. Had to be. They were coming in almost daily by now...

"Well, I got you something else..."

"Is it as good as food? My tummy's hungry..." Giving a small groan as she spoke, the red-headed Witch could feel Xander chuckling somewhat as he held her up. "And I really should..."

Any words or thoughts beyond that final word instantly died in her mind and on her tongue as Buffy moved aside and revealed the person who the head of blonde hair had belonged to.

_Started crying and I couldn't stop myself_

There were more tears falling from her cheek now, more and more summoning themselves past the river of saddness within her, and for once in a very long while, channeling themselves into the river of happiness.

"T...T...Ta...Tar..._Tara?"_

_Maybe if you hold me baby_

"Willow..." Even though she could barely see a foot in front of her, Willow knew from the sound of the other girl's voice that she was crying. As soon as Xander let go of her, leaving her without any kind of support to kept her on her feet, the red-head stumbled as fast as she could forward until she felt a pair of comforting hands wrap around her and hold her close. The kind of close that only one person had ever wanted to have her.

"Tara, T-Tara...T-T-Tara..." Her voice beginning to break and bend in every which way, the red-headed Witch felt a certain array of fingers gently make their way into her hair, the feeling only serving to further the realization that she wasn't dreaming, that this was happening. Everything she had wanted to appear in her dreams was standing here, holding her safely in her arms.

_Let me come over_

_"Ssshhh,_ it's alright..." Pressing her lips against the red-tresses she had longed to touch for almost as long as she had been alive once more, Tara held the crying girl tight to her chest, her own tears mixing in with Willow's slightly dirty aburn hair. She didn't know when she had started crying again, but she didn't fight them, didn't even want to hold them back. She knew the emotion behind them, the only emotion she could even fully comprehend at that moment.

"T-Tara, Goddess, it can't be..."

"It is, _ssshhh..."_ Pulling the girl away from her only a short inch of or so in order to look into those green irises she had missed and longed for every single moment in the other place, the blonde Wiccan smiled, the expression still lined with her tears. "I'm here, ok, I'm real..."

_I will tell you secrets nobody knows_

"H-How, oh Goddess, Tara...I...I...I lov..." Unable to complete the sentence as her voice once again dissolved into nothing more than whimpers and broken words, the red-head closed her eyes and buried her head into the other girl's shoulder. She knew more words were being spoken, more signs and gestures of comfort being offered, more gently caressing of her tresses were happening, but she couldn't focus on them as her mind shut down as only overwhelming happiness ran through her senses.

_I cannot overstate it..._

Her arms still holding onto the other girl's clothing as if she were an anchor, Willow couldn't even begin to contemplate the idea of letting go of Tara, of her Goddess, her light...her everything...

_I will be..._

Her journey. Completed.

_Overjoyed. _


End file.
